You Jerk
by Brin
Summary: Asha's had enough of playing second fiddle to Max... and Max lets her wrath out on Asha.
1. Asha vs Logan

Disclaimer: I don't any of the characters in this story that appear in the hit syndicated TV show, Dark Angel, which are owned by James Cameron.

Summary: Logan's been a jerk. Asha's not too happy about it. Song: "Jerk" by Sita.

A/N: I just went to what could possibly be the worst audition I've ever been to in my entire life. I mean, I've been to some auditions, and this one was horrible. The script was void of all emotional concept and I probably won't get chosen because 95% of the characters are stuck up, rich, old women and I'm not too tuned in the "playing old people" department, while the other 5% are guys. This is my vent!

You Jerk 

By

BRIN 

"It's very simple. Jerks assume they can act like jerks and we won't notice, because they assume that girls are stupid. So they think 'Okay, the stupider the girl, the better off I am!' Therefore, they go after the stupid girls who don't take notice of the fact that jerks are jerks! Get it?"—Me, after a long, tedious fight with a jerk

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Asha knocked on Logan's door twice, then took a step back and waited. She tossed her hair—recently colored brown for safety reasons—and blew her uncut bangs from her face irritably. Seconds ticked by slowly, and still the door didn't open. "Logan!" she called into the wood of the door. "Logan, it's Asha." She put her ear to the door and heard the quiet buzz and squeal of Logan's exoskeleton approaching. Quickly making a feeble attempt to make her hair look better, she tugged on her wrinkled shirt and waited for him to open the door.

Minutes passed. Nothing happened.

"What the…" Asha stepped up to the door and knocked loudly. "Logan Cale! It's Asha Barlow, waiting outside your door!"

No answer.

Extremely irritated, Asha pulled out her lock-pick and jiggled it in the keyhole a few times until she heard the satisfying click of the lock unlocking. She then grabbed the knob and let herself inside. "Logan? Where are you?" Of course, she didn't really have to ask. She headed straight towards the buzzing sound of several computers running at once.

_Since you've been gone I feel so much better _

_Cause I saw how mean you could be_

_I used to want some explanation_

_Now all I want is my Patsy Cline CD_

"Logan!" Asha practically yelled in his ear.

A lazy grin resting on his face, Logan turned around and acted surprised. "Asha! I was just about to get up and let you in. I had some stuff to take care of first." He stood up, blocking the computer screen.

"Whatcha got there?" Asha stood on her tiptoes to try and peek around his shoulder, but he moved in her way. "Logan, come on. What're you doing?"

"Nothing. What was it that you wanted?"

Asha glared at him. "Why do you assume I want something?"

_How I've waited for today _

_When I could finally say _

_You jerk _

_You jerk _

_You are such a jerk _

_There are other words _

_But they just don't work_

_JERK_

Logan shrugged. "I was just asking… but really, I don't remember you saying you were going to come over today…"

"What, I have to make an appointment with you now?" Asha snapped. "Sorry, Mr. High and Mighty. I wasn't informed."

"Mmmhmm, are you done? Max was supposed to be coming over today to discuss the Familiars…" Logan looked distractedly at the door.

Asha's mouth dropped. "Logan? Hello? What the hell is wrong with you? I came over to give you this!" She handed him a disk. "It's hover drone footage of the cops beating somebody to death, then dumping the body in a dumpster. Remember, we walked on the phone about it…? I said I'd stop by sometime this week… Any of this ringing a bell?"

Logan looked at her blankly.

_Sometimes I wish I'd mailed you that letter _

_That said the things I dare not say _

_Instead I set the thing on fire _

_I had to say this out loud anyway_

"You're kidding." Asha rolled her eyes at him. "You… forgot."

"Well… I've been so caught up with finding a cure for the virus… I'm sorry, Asha, I really am. But you've got to understand…"

Asha cut him off with a cold stare. "Logan, I understand perfectly. You want to find a cure for that little virus that Max has so that you two can screw and live happily ever after, huh? Is that it, Logan-boy?"

Logan looked appalled. "What? Asha, what are you talking about?"

"You know damn well what I'm talking about! Every day, moping around like a neutered dog! Trying to figure out how the hell you can jump over this crevasse between you and Max! Every time I call you, that's what you do!" She threw the disk and hit him in the side of the head with it. "Logan, this kid was 16 years old. He had a college scholarship to Yale. He lived with his younger half-sister, 14 years old. Both his parents are dead from ODs. You have the resources to expose these cops!"

Logan adjusted his glasses nervously. "Asha…"

"Don't you 'Asha' me! I don't want to hear it, Logan Theodore Cale! You're just as bad as… as all those guys out there! _Alec_ is more dependable than you these days!"

_I'm so glad I found the nerve _

_To say what you deserve _

_You jerk _

_You jerk _

_You are such a jerk _

_There are other words _

_But they just don't work_

_JERK_

She turned and started heading towards the door, and Logan started going after her, but then she remembered his zealous guarding of his computer. While he wasn't thinking about it, she darted through the kitchen and came out the other side next to the computer to find…

Max.

"Oh this is too rich…" She mumbled. It was Max's mug shot, only Logan had obviously spent some time using picture editing programs to color in the black and white picture. "Logan, you are such an idiot."

Logan scratched the back of his neck nervously. "Asha, I'm sorry I forgot about you. I really am.

_They try to be so cool _

_Insult you like a fool _

_Never take your call when you're nobody at all _

_Until you're somebody _

_and then they want to be your friend _

_How comes jerks don't know they're jerks _

_(I don't know)_

Asha turned and looked at him, her brown eyes boring into his blue ones. "Logan Cale, I am tired of being second. I'm tired of having to fight for your attention, and I'm tired of having you on my mind. So I'm through with it. You've refused to accept the fact that Max doesn't belong with you. Don't you see how the virus proves that, Logan? I've wasted so many years of my life trying to get you, Logan, but you always seem to snag the ones that use you and abuse you. Why you chose them when I could've given you anything you ever wanted, I don't know. All I know is that we're done." She took a deep breath. "So I'm going to walk through that door, and I'm going to leave you alone. Got it?"

Logan gulped and reached out to touch her, but she recoiled.

"No, Logan. Let it go."

And with that, she picked up her things and exited the penthouse.

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When the elevator reached the bottom floor, she stepped off and threw the floppy disk in the trash. As she was leaving the building, she passed an extremely attractive young man going in the same direction. With a parting glance at the penthouse of the Foggle Towers, she sauntered over and said, "Hi."

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Ok, I know that was completely and totally pointless, but the idea's been itching at me for a looooooong time. Sorry I had to put you through that.


	2. Max vs Asha

Disclaimer: I don't any of the characters in this story that appear in the hit syndicated TV show, Dark Angel, which are owned by James Cameron. Don't own the lyrics to 

Summary: It's Max's turn to have her say.

A/N: At the request of **Ash**, I have written another mouthing-off story for when Max overhears Asha talking about her "furry little friends."

You Jerk

****

By

Brin 

Open mouth, insert foot.

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Max let herself into Logan's penthouse. "Logan? Hey, Logan, you home?"

"He's not home," called a familiar voice from the kitchen. "He went out to get some groceries."

The X5 walked into the kitchen and leaned against a counter. "So you're house-sitting, I suppose?"

Asha closed the refrigerator and turned around. She was holding a single packet of cheese, some bologna, bread, and lettuce. "No, I was just in the neighborhood and got hungry."

_Breathe in right away, nothing seems_

_to fill this place_

_I need this every time, take your_

_lies get off my case_

_Some day I will find, a love that flows_

_Through me like this_

_This will fall away, this will fall away_

_You're getting closer, to pushing me_

_Off of life's little edge_

_Cause I'm a loser and sooner or later_

_You know I'll be dead_

_You're getting closer, you're holding the_

_Rope and I'm taking the fall_

_Cause I'm a loser, I'm a loser, yeah_

"So I'm guessing he knows how much you eat and went to make sure there was still some food left for his dinner?" Max sneered.

The blonde woman froze. "What did you just say?"

"I said you eat too much, paraphrasing of course."

"Hey now—"

"Don't you 'Hey now' me! We all know that _all_ you want to do is go home and take a bath." Max made a pouty face and raised her voice mockingly, "Well me and my furry little friends don't appreciate being called furry."

Asha gulped. "About that, Max…"

"No, no! There's no need to explain, Asha. I understand that you're just so hung up on yourself that you don't understand that it's not very nice to talk about people behind their backs. I mean, I saved your ass from the cops and everything, but of course that was before you made that oh-so-rude comment… so you still must've thought I was just a silly transgenic girl at the time. Or is it because of Logan? I bet you think that I'm going to woo him into falling under my spell or something." Max moved forward menacingly. "Well, Asha, I guess since we're both here I should tell you that I don't enjoy your rudeness. If you don't like me, just come out and say it so that I can kick your ass and be done with it, hmm?"

_This is getting old, I can't break these_

_Chains that I hold_

_My body's growing cold, there's nothin_

_Left of this mind or my soul_

_Addiction needs a pacifier, the buzz of_

_This poison is taking me higher_

_This will fall away, this will fall away_

_You're getting closer to pushing me_

_Off of life's little edge_

_Cause I'm a loser and sooner or later_

_You know I'll be dead_

_You're getting closer, you're holding_

_the rope and I'm taking the fall_

_Cause I'm a loser, I'm a loser_

Asha stood her ground, but said nothing.

"You know what I think, Asha? I think you're a self-centered little girl who don't care about anyone else. I think you're afraid people will think you're a loser or something so you make other people think they are the losers. That's it, huh? It is, isn't it, Asha Barlow or whatever the hell your real last name is?"

"That's a little harsh, Max, I…"

"You what? Come on, Asha, you called transgenics 'furry'! How much ground do you have to argue with? Not much." Max smiled at her patronizingly. "Why don't we set the record straight right here, right now, Asha."

_You're getting closer, to pushing me_

_Off of life's little edge_

_Cause I'm a loser and sooner or later_

_You know I'll be dead_

_You're getting closer, you're holding_

_the rope and I'm taking the fall_

Cause I'm a loser! 

_You're getting closer, to pushing me_

_Off of life's little edge_

_Cause I'm a loser and sooner or later_

_You know I'll be dead_

_You're getting closer, you're holding_

_the rope and I'm taking the fall_

_Cause I'm a loser!_

"You, Asha Barlow, had better stay the hell out of my way from now on. I don't want you to be here when I come over to visit Logan. I don't want to see you walking down the street. You're a self-centered bitch when it comes down to things, and I don't want any part of it. If you can't respect me and mine, then why should I respect yours? Everyday whining at Logan and putting his life in _danger _by hiding guns here and everything? No, that's not right. So I want you gone, Asha. I want you to get out of my life and out of my way so I can get a beer out of the 'fridge. Are we clear?"

Asha stepped aside.

"Good. Now I'm going to get a beer and go watch some TV. When I get back, I don't want to see you here. Are we clear on _that_?"

"Yes," grumbled the blonde woman.

"Good girl." Max patted Asha on the head and walked away. A few seconds later she heard the rushed slam of Logan's front door and she smiled to herself. "Max: two points! Asha: zero!"

THE END

I think… lol, sorry it's late I hadta do that ^_^


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